Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
