His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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