my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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