That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
don't judge my taste in strippers
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
