why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
