matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
