i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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