one might say we're banned from that church
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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