i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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