I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
