thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
