im six kinds of drunk right now
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
