Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
