DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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