we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
