adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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