I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
