I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
if only i could text you this smell
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
