she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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