So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
