I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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