I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
