i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
