Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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