this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
