Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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