This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
