Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
