after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
