Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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