remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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