I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
