and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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