You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
