im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
