i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
