ya dads aren't the best wingmen
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
