arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
