he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
