32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
