woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
