your parents love me but you hate me
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
