sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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