apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
