Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The air was thick with penises
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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