Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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