Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
