never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
