Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
