so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
