there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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