Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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