i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
