how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
