i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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