found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
