Do you still have your period?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
