just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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