I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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