I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
