I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
