bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
