Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
