I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
