would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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