I wanna passion pit in your ass
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
