Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
