So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
