Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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