I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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