Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
