in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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