All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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