Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
